I was nine years old the first time I remember feeling like I didn’t want to be here anymore.
I didn’t have words for depression. I just knew I felt alone. I was surrounded by love, but there was an empty space where a father was supposed to be, and the men I looked up to were in the streets. Eventually, I became the same things I needed protection from.
One foot in the streets. One foot trying to do right. Trying to become somebody while carrying what survival had taught me. Then came consequences, jail cells, and the tough moments where I sat inside what I created asking, “Why is this happening to me?”
Some things happened to me, but a lot happened because of choices I made while carrying wounds I never dealt with. Still, the deeper question remained. Why couldn’t I see the beauty in surviving?
Depression is hard to explain. You can build a business, raise a family, create art, make money, laugh with your children, and still fight a war nobody can see. I know that war. I still fight in it.
But I understand something nine-year-old me couldn’t: I’m still here for a reason. There are things God placed inside me I haven’t discovered yet. People I haven’t reached. Art I haven’t created. And the same is true for you.
Your worst night does not know what your life looks like five years from now. Depression does not get to predict your future. The exhausted version of you today has no idea who you may become tomorrow. Maybe you’re angry with God. I’ve been there. But I’m learning He isn’t scared of our questions.
So if you’re wondering whether you should still be here, hear this from somebody who knows those thoughts: Please stay.
Stay because tomorrow deserves the chance to surprise you. Stay because the person you’re becoming deserves to meet you. Your voice, your art, and your story matters.
You can come from the streets and still find God. You can make mistakes and still become somebody your younger self needed. You can be confused and still pray, or hurting and still have purpose.
And one day, somebody may overcome their darkest season because you were brave enough to survive yours.
#getmoneyprayoften